God [didnt] Bless The Broken Road (that led me straight to you)

you killed me last night,
you were there,
holding me in you arms,
and yet you weren't there.

you moved robotically,
something was obviously wrong,
you said you knew why I went over there,
knew why I strayed away for so long.

Your words pierced my heart,
saying I wasn't over him,
but you were wrong,
and because of your words I died last night.

So now sit,
hold your guilt in your arms,
because that embrace,
those few words,
cost my heart its life last night.

Now there is only pain,
how could you think that?
what did you see?
Can't your realize,
yours are the only eyes I see.

"Self Absorbed"

Stop your crying little girl,
Can't you see?

They're all too wrapped up in their own lives,
to even notice yours.

What is Purgatory?

Today a friend and I were talking about religion. When he confronted me about my stance on Purgatory my response was:

We as a people are unknowing, there are so many things that we don't understand. I believe that we go to purgatory and that is a transition stage where we gain knowledge and wisdom. Our eyes are opened to everything we don't know.

what do you think?

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A single tear rolls down,
down as I watch the boy cry for help,
help which he will not recieve.
If only I could toch him,
feel him,
hold him and keep him safe,
then I would be better,
but I can't help him escape.
The tears grow in numbers,
blurring my eyes and mind,
I reach out to try and grab him,
but there's no way to reach in time.
My cries go unnoticed,
"Someone help him! HELP!"
but my voice is muffled,
closed off from choking sobs....


the lights come up,
the screen shuts off,
and I sit staring at a blank TV screen.

"Alone... Or Wait. Am I?"

I see myself,
sitting in the corner crying
rotting on the shelf.
All the other girls are dancing,
but not I,
I sob alone to myself.
The allers make their minds,
no one for me tonight,
but that is not unusual,
so I'll sit again with out a light.
Twisted smiles look at me,
only to decieve,
this constant pain consumes,
but no help shall I recieve.
Fear not for my foolish self,
I do not need company,
nor do I even need myself,
while I sit,
tears roll down my cheek,
but I am entertained,
because all the friends in my mind never cease to speak.

"Envy" and "Lust"

Stand in front of the mirror again,
Turning another shade of darker green,
Wishing that the others would burn,
So that only this beauty could be seen.

Steal away the pain in life,
Put it in a box,
Take someone elses memories,
And turn back all the clocks.

Shut away all competitors,
Let them rot today,
So this amazing ability can have its day,
Even though the freezing water of hell is not far away.

Keep the mirror talking,
While the colors fade away,
Until they’re trapped forever,
As a rotten shade of green.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sitting in the corner he notices her,
that rich aroma penetrates his senses,
that exquisite look gives him chills.
So long he's tried to control,
this impatient feeling,
if only he could run away from it,
if only she weren't so damn beautiful.

Cold showers come standard,
after a night of female influenced dreams,
only to sit next to her,
on a long and strenuous ride to school.
It's her fault anyway,
he tells himself every day,
but eventually he'll get his way.

He wants his lips on hers,
while hands roam the area he so often dreams of,
if only he could have her,
this feeling would be gone,
and he could find someone else to lust upon.

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I wish I knew beauty like yours,
shining in the night,
a beacon of light shone in the dark,
against the trials of humanity.
The moon pales in comparison,
to the dilligent sparkle in your eyes,
creating only comfort and warmth,
heat against the dark and bitter night.
Your smile ends my misery,
your laughter ends my pain,
your kiss makes me feel whole,
so I can breathe again.
THe mocking world around us,
may laugh in my face,
but I know you're always there,
because you'd never leave me alone,
not in this intrepid place.
My heart is saved for you,
because you saved me from myself,
when my life was closing in,
now I want to show my love for you.
The stars shine not,
when competing with your eyes,
and without your amazing love,
my heart would wither and die.

"♥'s"

Sometimes hearts break.
Sometimes they're misused.
Sometimes hearts have nowhere to turn.

Hearts can mend,
hearts can bend,
hearts can always find a way back home.

"I've Lost"

I've lost,
there is no escape,
not a single way out,
not from this intrepid place.

I've lost,
senses have been used,
just toss me in the trash,
its worth it after all this abuse.

I've lost,
giving in completely,
just save yourself the time,
no need to get rid of me neatly.

I've lost,
nothing is worth it now,
the pain forever grows worse,
because I've given up,
and I don't even know how.

"Truth"

"The truth will set you free."
Free from what?
From the tribulations of your soul echoing the wrongs which you committed?
At what price does the truth become unnecessary?
When you've dug yourself so far into the ground with your lies that you're buried?
Then the truth just becomes that first sprinkle of dirt,
the one that weighs heaviest on your heart,
while your lies wish you goodbye.
It's funny how lies sometimes come easy,
but others you choke out because the truth is just screaming to be known.
Why can the words seem true at one point,
and yet those same words sound like callous lies at others?
What is truth?
When is truth right if fact and intuition are wrong?
And yet the word,
it can still be right,
it can still be true.

"My Heart" by Paramore

"My Heart"

I am finding out that maybe I was wrong
That I've fallen down and I can't do this alone

Stay with me, this is what I need, please?

Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you
We could sing our own but what would it be without you?

I am nothing now and it's been so long
Since I've heard the sound, the sound of my only hope

This time I will be listening.

Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you
We could sing our own but what would it be without you?

This heart, it beats, beats for only you
This heart, it beats, beats for only you

This heart, it beats, beats for only you
My heart is yours

This heart, it beats, beats for only you
My heart is yours
(My heart, it beats for you)

This heart, it beats, beats for only you (It beats, beats for only you)
My heart is yours (My heart is yours)

This heart, it beats, beats for only you (Please don't go now, please don't fade away)
My heart, my heart is yours (Please don't go now, please don't fade away)

(Please don't go now, please don't fade away) My heart is yours
(Please don't go now, please don't fade away) My heart is yours
(Please don't go, please don't fade away)
(Please don't go now, please don't fade away) My heart is...

"Addiction"

Give me a half glass of misery,
top it off with pain,
throw in a dash of the hopes,
toss in a drop of disdain.
Let me drink to this here life,
which just seeps through my skin.

Shoot this despair up,
creating my ecstatic depression,
which curtles and turns,
souring every good thing around.
Just another syringe full of hate,
to fill the room with the usual mates.

I'll beg on my knees for another pill,
one that makes this beating heart still,
so that no one else has to endure this trip.
Pop one more loathe-filled capsule,
that will do me in.

I'm screaming,
begging for it really,
FEED MY GUT-WRENCHING ADDICTION.

"My Personal Trauma"

That one little moment,
I just blocked it out,
my dad saying goodbye,
driving away,
I was going to be late anyway.

I went on to my concert,
started throwing up continually,
couldn't figure out why,
didn't really care.

He should've been in the crowd that day,
instead of driving two states away,
he should have sat there,
front center row,
watching me perform,
instead I got to watch him go.

I shut that day out,
didn't think to connect,
that long open road,
leading to my depression and wreck.

Instead a persona was made,
a dark over-shadowing doubt,
pushing me far away from my faith,
showing me the hurt that life was all about.

That was the day my mind shut down,
no longer could I feel the love all around,
that day he drove out of my life,
even though we're together now,
it doesn't feel the same,
it just doesn't feel right.

♥Little Moment of Mine ♥

laying up,
looking at the stars,
you holding me in your arms,
just makes me wish i could still a frame,
and make it always be the same,
just makes me wish i could freeze time,
into that one little moment of mine.

to the heart it may all seem real,
but we're the best of liars.

"My Everything"

you're my last leg to stand on,
you're my guide post in the rain,
you're my lighthouse in the storm,
you're my lean-to to keep me sane.

i love you with my eternal breath,
and wish you never to suffer,
because you've done so much for my happiness,
and i feel for you like no other.

i'm not very good at expressing,
just the way i feel,
but i just want you to hold me,
and always stay right here.

you're my brain,
my heart,
my soul, my light,
and when you're away i don't feel quite right.

you're my everything,
everything that i hold dear,
and i wish you could see how my feelings are so clear.